Went to pay respects to my ah gong at the columbarium ytd with my parents. And it was my first time there. The moment i stepped out of dad's car onto the columbarium grounds, my heart felt heavy as though it weighed a hundred tons. Forgot how long it was since i saw ah gong's picture. And once in a while my aunts would tell me how much he used to like carrying me on his shoulders around. And yeah, i actualli do have an impression of that. =)) Supposedly there was a picture of ah gong carrying me on his shoulders when we went to the zoo. But no one knows where that picture went to after we moved house. It was only then did i realize how much that picture means to me. When time fades, all u're left with is a picture which holds the fond memories. And yet i don't have any of those pictures.

I guess it must be the smoke that made me rolled a tear down my cheeks. And while i was exploring the place, i saw pictures of very very young children. Some were just less than 4 years old and there was one who was only almost a year old. It made me wondered how heart wrenching was it for their family. I mean, they were only children. I was seriously getting too emotional that i had to move away from my parents and try to control myself from bursting into tears. And it didn't help much when a lady from another family, who was also paying their respects, started to cry and sniff loudly.

On a lighter note, i discovered my origins. I am a true blue Cantonese. My ah gong was from Canton, China. It just that we speak Teochew. Teochew is actualli a language, i.e. dialect. That means im not a Teochew, but i speak Teochew. Okay if u still don't get wad i trying to say here, it's okay, cos i took 21 years to realize that. And i guess it's high time for me to pick up Cantonese from my mum? Cos she speaks super fluent Cantonese. How cool is that? Ha.

Neway, did anyone watch or read the news recently about the little baby girl who survived the horrific accident that killed the rest of her family? Her doctor-in-charge actualli speculated that an adult protected her during that accident and it minimized that impact on the baby girl. So i guess it's either her mum or grandma. The papers said it was heart breaking to lose all 4 family members in just one night. I totally agree with that. But come to think of it, her mum/grandma had actualli exchanged their lives to protect the baby girl. Sacrificing your life for the one u love dearly, isn't it the greatest love of all? That's why i strongly feel that baby girl should live her life to her fullest when she grows up, cos it would make their sacrifices a meaningful one.

Yet again, it's just a thin line between life and death. As u grow older, your life expectancy just keeps getting shorter and shorter. And it seems that im wasting my life away cos im still going round in circles. No point looking back at the footsteps which i'd left behind cos it doesn't help at all. Time to seriously get alive and move on. Crying over spilled milk never helps. Just go get a freaking mop and clean up lah, DUH. But somehow im getting more and more depressed as i grow older. Haix.